you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
