I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize