Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
