you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize