Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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