I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize