I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
