Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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