If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize