I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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