he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
