It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
