6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
