I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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