Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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