i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
