Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
