thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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