omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
