my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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