im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
