ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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