omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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