Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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