Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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