I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
