i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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