We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
