u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
