Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
