...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I did not marry a roomba.
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