she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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