im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
