there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
