This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
