Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
