He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
