Just mADE A PArabola og urine
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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