The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
