You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize