why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
