new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
