Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
