Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
