Your tits are I can't wait for
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
