Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
