So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
