chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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