Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
