I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
