dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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