Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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