Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
