Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
