there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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