hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
