just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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