my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
