apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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