Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
