Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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