so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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