when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
