Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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