Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
