how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize