Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
