I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
