Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
